Isn’t it interesting how childhood stuff follows us into our adult lives? Almost immediately Greg and I entered the blame game after we found out Greg Jr. was gay. I said, “He wouldn’t be gay if you would have played more sports with him and were home more often!” Greg Sr. fired back “He wouldn’t be gay if you weren’t such a possessive and overbearing mom!” The thought that our child could not be anything but heterosexual, caused us to look for blame. Surely it had to be someone’s fault. Often, Greg and I would go to bed angry, after sparring back and forth. Our marriage started to crumble…we needed professional help to work through this mess. We made an appointment with our pastor that we both trusted would give us some solid advice and he did not disappoint us. He said “It’s natural to try to figure out your part in it, and where blame lies … but don’t stay there long. Nothing good will come out of it.”
And he was right…Was there any good that came from blaming each another? No, we still had a gay child and we felt more distant from each other than ever. In fact, blaming each other was causing more harm than good. It caused us to focus all our energy on fighting with each other, rather than our child who really needed us during a scary and difficult time in his life. Our family was disintegrating right before our eyes. We needed to get our act together.
In the bible, the apostle John records that Jesus taught (John 10:10) “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill and to destroy. I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly.”
Satan comes to destroy, Satan wanted to steal our son from us, Satan wanted to kill our relationships with one another, and Satan wanted to destroy our family. God on the other hand, came so that we would have life and have it more abundantly! How great is that! God desires healing and restoration so we will have a full and abundant life.
So how did we get past all this? How did we start to have an abundant life? First, it began once we started spending time with God praying and asking for his insight and wisdom. He showed us our need to forgive one another for the hurtful things we said to each another. Then, he gently revealed to us what was deep in both our hearts. Something we had not seen up to this point. We were both coldhearted toward people identifying as LGBTQ, people who God created in his image, who he loves and cares about deeply. People he died for and desires a relationship with. Next, pride was also exposed in both our hearts. We didn’t want to look bad to our Christian friends, co-workers, and family. Acknowledging and confessing these sins to God began our healing. Lastly, we started to believe the best in each other knowing both of us were on the same team and we were better together…
It’s been over 15 years since then, Greg and I are no longer the same people we once were, and God continues to reveal new insights as we continue this journey. Expect good to come when you lean into the journey God has placed before you!
Think About It
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